


Somewhere in San Diego

by antidons (Pogniscrow)



Series: Somewhere Series [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27206600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pogniscrow/pseuds/antidons
Summary: Somewhere in San Diego, Taeyong and Doyoung rediscover what it means to love.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Series: Somewhere Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1986184
Comments: 11
Kudos: 106





	Somewhere in San Diego

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old draft that I suddenly felt the need to finish. I haven't been writing fics, let alone dotate fics, in months. However, the recent influx of stupidly domestic events has led to this. 
> 
> I'm a bit rusty, so I hope the copy isn't that bad.

Taeyong thought, so surreptitiously, that everything would be fine. However, as it turns out, the promises made along the roads of Otaru have but dissipated like flecks the melting snow. 

Momentous it may have been, life was too complicated for a monarchy ruled by love. 

In all fairness, Doyoung tried. Small, gentle gestures of things that normal couples do. Flowers, scented candles, his favorite cookie all delivered to Taeyong's dorm room, sometimes liaised with Johnny. But reality is too harsh a reminder that things like forevers, especially in their industry, are one in a million. Statistical impossibilities that compare to winning the lottery or getting chosen from a sea of a thousand bodies. Yet Taeyong holds onto the faintest hope that he was special—that they were special. 

"I think he made the right decision," Johnny says one night in their shared dorm a few weeks after Doyoung informed Taeyong that they should 'stop pursuing this thing.'

Taeyong looks at Johnny with a frown. His roommate immediately faces the other way, knowing full well he couldn't readily handle Taeyong resembling a kicked puppy. 

"I'm just saying, he's thinking of you, him and all of us," he said voice hesitant and soft. 

"I can handle myself,” is Taeyong’s reply to the darkness. He can’t even bear to look in Johnny’s direction, not when his heart is just slowly, slowly breaking with every breath he takes.

"He knows that, but he's seen you break. He doesn't want that for you anymore."

Taeyong takes a glance at Johnny's sprawling back illuminated by the dim lamplight. He had always been a pillar and source of comfort for Taeyong. Taeyong always regarded him as a font of infinite positivity. Seeing him facing away from Taeyong, shoulders slumped, and voice quiet only meant this entire conversation hurt him as much as it hurt Taeyong.

"How long has he been talking to you about it?" Taeyong asks voice cracking at the edges. There's no point in drawing this out any longer than it should. He'll nip this at the bud even if it means hurting the both of them. 

"A month."

Taeyong feels something in him shatter. It's only been a month since Otaru. 

\--

He avoids Doyoung after that. They're in the US and Doyoung hangs out with Johnny and Yuta, but never him. He laughs and smiles like he hadn't broken Taeyong's heart like he hadn't loved him in the first place. 

It stings, incredibly so. Taeyong wants space to think; to understand life without Doyoung's presence wafting about like thick fog mingling in the air. Yet he craved for the comfort of his touch, the silent reassurance, the reminder that he'd always be there. He's stuck in limbo and he doesn't quite know how to deal with it.

They're in some state in the United States, Doyoung is currently out with Jungwoo visiting an aquarium or zoo or whatever when Yuta knocks on his door. 

"Have you chosen whom you're bringing for your state? The managers are asking."

Taeyong looks at him and shrugs. If he's being honest with himself he already knows who he wants to bring. He'd been set ever since they announced that they'd be going out in pairs. It would have been an obvious choice, but not all plans come to fruition.

Yuta moves to sit beside Taeyong and looks at him pointedly. "Are you sure you haven't chosen a partner?"

Taeyong sometimes forgets that Yuta is as entwined in this whole odd relationship he has with Doyoung as much as Johnny has been, except he keeps mum about it. He lets the pull of fate or whatever is pulling this shit show do its magic. The mere fact that Yuta is implying the subject can only mean that he's tired of remaining a spectator of this spiraling tragedy.

"I have, but it's highly unlikely he'll agree. To spare my feelings, probably."

Yuta rolls his eyes, "Yongie, you know it's not like that."

"He's been thinking of calling it off for a month Yuta, I think it is like that."

"You don't even know why he was thinking about it in the first place. Have you ever asked him about how he feels?"

Taeyong pouts and hides under his sheets. It's a defense mechanism, one that would work on anyone, but Yuta is stubborn when he needs to be. 

"You should talk to him. He'd be willing to discuss things--"

"Why should I be the one to talk to him!?" Taeyong yelps springing from under the covers.

On any other given day, it would have been an adorable sight, the way he bounds from the depths of his mattress. But Yuta sees the anger that’s been simmering deep within his guts. It’s an odd habit. Taeyong dislikes having ill feelings towards his friends, especially Doyoung. It often ends up in rapturous blowouts like this. To someone not in the know, this would seem infantile and brash. However, Yuta and Taeyong have coexisted long enough to know when to fight fire with ferocity and when to placate it with patience.

"Why do I have to be the one to talk to him? I was the one who got hurt here! I was the one left to wallow while he hangs out with you and Johnny all the goddamn time" Taeyong all but spits. 

"Taeyong,” is the only thing Yuta has to say for him to snap. His tone is cautious yet firm, and his eyes testing, daring him to try that tone on him again.

He doesn't mean for it, but his jaw is shaking and his eyes trembling with rabid anger and frustration.

Taeyong pouts, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

Yuta softens his gaze and offers a reassuring smile.

“I know, you just need to tell me,” Yuta says with tenderness, “tell me how you feel.”

"He said we'd try. He said we'd try to make this work. And I should be the one to slobber at his feet?"

Yuta looks at him with sad eyes, "You're not the only one hurting. You can trust me on that." 

"He has an odd way of showing it."

Yuta scoffs, "You know how good he is at hiding this stuff, but you have to believe me when I say that the decision wasn't easy on him."

Taeyong knows it was an attempt to placate the raging inferno that had ignited in his chest. A peace offering to the madness blooming from his lips.

"At least he had the chance to make one. I was never given the option."

Yuta sighs and goes on to place his arms around Taeyong, the gesture immediately icing whatever rage he had left in him. 

"I'm sorry," he says burying his head deep into the crevice of Taeyong's neck, his warm breath tickling his bare skin with a gentle caress. 

Taeyong breathes. Deep. Shaky. His lungs feel faint and thin, as if torn, air escaping as rapidly as he's breathing in. 

"It hurts so much."

Yuta hugs him tighter.

"I miss him."

Yuta releases Taeyong and looks at him "He misses you too."

"Then why?"

"Because he keeps talking to Johnny, that's fucking why,” Yuta says with a roll of the eye.

Yuta shakes his head, his lips curling into a smirk, "Look, Johnny might not be super on board with the secret dating whatever thing, but I am."

"Please don't do this just because I look sad and pathetic.”

Yuta rolls his eyes again, "What would giving you false hope do for me?"

Taeyong shrugs, "My temporary happiness?"

Yuta shakes head, "Yong, listen Johnny has a point."

"Wow, so much for not agreeing with Johnny,” Taeyong says with a pout before burying himself under his sheets again.

"Let me finish, why don't you?"

Taeyong grunts in reply.

"Johnny has a point, but it's old and dated. That's not how we live our life. If happiness presents itself to you, take it and don't apologize." 

Yuta slinks his hand into the warm cocoon Taeyong made and navigates. Gently prodding the soft sheets until he finds Taeyong’s dainty fingers before wrapping his hand around his,

"Doyoung makes you happy. You should never deprive yourself of that. No unclear future should stop you from being happy,” Yuta says with unfurling reassurance curling around his tongue.

"We all made this choice to be where we are right now. Call it fate. Call it luck, but we're here together and you found someone special. If fate has plans for you then so be it, but don't let that tomorrow be your today, because if today you don't make the choice, then when will you ever?" 

Yuta does not yield. That much, Taeyong knows. He was hand-crafted by difficult decisions, wrought from life-changing events after life-changing events. He's left a burgeoning football career, his family, his home, and everything else that he knows to audition for a company that speaks not even a lick of his mother tongue. Despite the absurdity, he's succeeded. 

"Taeyong I came to Korea on my own because I chose to do it. Doyoung came to SM because he wanted to. So did Johnny and everyone else. We've come this far. We chose the risk because we did something. Don't wait for him to make the choice when you know without a doubt what you want."

And maybe it's because Yuta honors his decisions. He goes with what he’s paved and moves forward. Maybe it’s in that small, fragile hope that he clung onto that ensured that his path led back home.

Yuta gives Taeyong a reassuring squeeze, "Doyoung decided, but have you?"

Taeyong doesn’t answer, because he knows his decision. Any doubt that had crossed his mind blurred out by the cadence of Doyoung’s smile. There’s nothing he wants more than to be with him, but it still doesn’t quite feel right. Not when he knows the doubts that plague Doyoung whenever the idea is brought up.

"Why should I take the first step?" he says unveiling himself from his blanket barrier.

Yuta pinches Taeyong's cheek lightly, "You want him to rely on you, right? Part of that is making the hard choices." 

Taeyong looks at him with the dregs of fear clawing at his chest. Doyoung may know how to traverse the grand ocean of Taeyong's emotions, but Yuta knew human emotion so innately that even the slightest change in pulse he could catch. It’s the small fraction, the lingering 0.99% of hope still clinging for dear life that he needs, to flash Taeyong a satisfied smile.

"Don't you know fortune favors the brave?"

\--

Taeyong thinks of it over a day. He thinks of why he wants Doyoung and what he wants of Doyoung. Thinks of what can happen; and what can't. He thinks and thinks and thinks. Then he doesn't. 

He quiets the gnawing static ringing of his mind and listens to the listless beating of his own heart. Yuta's voice rings 'Don't let tomorrow be your today,' it chants, and today he feels discombobulated. He feels like the cogs of his mind and heart aren't working together. He feels lonely and sad and frustrated and angry. Above all, he feels discontent. Discontent about how things ended with Doyoung, how he never had the chance to defend what they had. Because good god did he know what they had was good.

He reaches for his phone and calls their manager. Three rings. 

"Yes, Taeyong?"

He takes a deep breath and steels himself, "I've decided whom I'm bringing."

\--

Doyoung calls him. Taeyong takes one deep breath and four rings to answer the call.

"I'm just down the hall," is what Taeyong says as soon as he picks up his phone.

_"I know."_

"Why are you calling me then?"

_"I'm already in bed."_

"I can come to you."

_"No."_

"Why?"

_"J-just don't, please."_

A pause.

"Doyoung, I miss you."

_"Don't do that, don't make this harder than it already is."_

"It doesn't have to be hard."

_"But it is."_

"It isn't, Doyoung."

_"Tae-"_

"It's simple Doyoung. You like me. I like it. It shouldn't be complicated."

_"Taeyong, you know there's so much more around this. We can't be what you want."_

"And what do I want, Doyoung?"

Doyoung doesn't answer. 

"So you don't know. Well, just so you know Doyoung I want you. Just you."

_"That means so many things Taeyong. You know there's more to it than that. We're idols, There’s no ‘just’ in our world."_

"I'm not asking for normal Doyoung. I want you. As far as I'm aware, I, too, am an idol. I know exactly what you mean. 

_"You've never used the leader card on me."_

"You never gave me a reason to, Doyoung. You always made my job seem so easy,” Taeyong says, his eyes feeling moist all of a sudden.

“You always say that you're thinking about me, but right now can you think about yourself? Stop worrying about me for one second and think about what makes you happy."

Taeyong feels everything surge through him. All the unkempt feelings coursing through his vein. It’s like a caffeine rush of emotions you can’t quite shake off.

"I don't need anything normal Doyoung. I can handle myself."

Taeyong pauses waits for Doyoung to say something, and when none comes, he says, “I know I make you happy. Just come back to me.”

Taeyong can only hear Doyoung’s even breathing, yet he knows his head is anything but. It’s a difficult task to leave Doyoung without rebuttal, for Taeyong especially. He considers this a small victory.

"Give me this chance Doyoung,” Taeyong pleads, “Let me take care of you.”

Taeyong sinks deeper into his bed, feeling the sheets envelop him in a hug of satin and silk.

_“I’m scared Taeyong, for you, for me, for the team.”_

Taeyong sighs. That’s just Doyoung, he guesses. Too concerned. Too loving. Too compassionate. A born leader by any lofty standard. Taeyong has long thought that maybe Doyoung should get some sort of promotion for all the running around he does for the group. But it’s only recently that he understood that Doyoung finds fulfillment in taking care of others. It seems like Doyoung has in him an unending wealth of love and patience that never seems to run out.

“Aren’t you tired?”

It has taken time, and a lot of practice, for Taeyong to comprehend the love language Doyoung used; and it’s taken him even longer to understand how to react to it. Doyoung, though so talented at speaking and so open about his feelings, cannot seem to let his guard down when in the presence of Taeyong. For so long, Taeyong thought it was because he was afraid of seeming frail or needing care. It’s slowly dawning on him, that maybe it’s because it’s the only defense Doyoung has left. The only thing preventing Doyoung from giving Taeyong everything.

Thankfully, all that time spent figuring out has not gone to waste. Taeyong listens as Doyoung’s resignation churns through the static silence. As the walls slowly cave. As a gate slowly opens. As Taeyong feels hope creeping through that stubborn head of his.

“They’ll understand,” Taeyong says. His words, much like Yuta’s to him, brims with untold confidence and assurance.

_“How do you know?”_

“Because I do.” 

_“Is that enough?”_

Taeyong smiles, in his heart he feels a tingle. A premonition, if one may call it.

“Yes. More than enough.”

\--

The sun is bright on the pier. The camera frames their faces together as they walk down the crowded streets. It feels nice. Much nicer than any walk Taeyong has had in a while.

They walk and talk, they let the world melt around them. They let themselves flow back into what they were. They remember how to be just the two of them. Suddenly everything feels like the cold stone paths of Otaru with its promise of a tomorrow worth fighting for.

Taeyong feels it, so deep within his gut.

\--

“The was nice,” Taeyong says as they venture back to their hotel. The car is silent lest for the murmur of their manager up in front talking to someone inconsequential to Taeyong.

“It was,” Doyoung says leaning his head on the headrest and letting out a soft sigh.

Taeyong looks to Doyoung who’s taking a nap. His eyes are closed and his newly bought baseball jacket rests on his legs, and his hand sits limp on the armrest. Taeyong reaches out.

It’s tentative and cautious and uncertain, but the moment their skin touches Doyoung reacts, almost greedily to take Taeyong’s hand into his. In that small moment, Taeyong feels like everything will be alright.

Doyoung peaks at him with one eye open and softly says, “Not here.”

Taeyong nods and holds his hand tighter, “Come to my room later,” he says.

Taeyong nods in response.

\--

When Taeyong knocks on Doyoung’s door it takes of few moments before he Doyoung greets him, baggy white shirt and soft track pants all but devouring his entire body. He gestures for Taeyong to come in before gingerly walking to the bed. They settle at the foot of Doyoung’s hotel bed, eyes never quite reaching each other.

“I’m sorry I broke it off with you,” Doyoung says. He clasps his hands together and looks at the floor. It’s not very often that Doyoug looks small in front of Taeyong. He only ever sees this side of Doyoung when he talks to Johnny.

“I didn’t consider how you would feel. It was stupid on my part.”

It takes all of Taeyong’s will power to not reply with _“No fucking shit.”_ He manages, barely.

“The truth is, I love you,” Doyoung says.

Oh, Kim Doyoung, always a man of many surprises. Taeyong expected them to _talk_. However, he didn’t expect Doyoung to be this direct with his feelings. He knows Doyoung loves him, but hearing it, the words so crisp out of Doyoung’s mouth still hits. Hard.

Taeyong doesn’t even hide the blush and the smile that creeps up his lips. It feels like getting stubbed in the pinky toe or getting punched in the face, but, like, with love. Taeyong can’t put into discernable words how it truly feels.

Taeyong responds with a soft and guttural, “Fuck.”

Doyoung doesn’t seem to hear, too preoccupied with his the words he’s trying to get out in the open.

“I guess, I loved you too much. To the extent that I felt hyperaware about everything,” Doyoung confesses.

“Every day, I would think what if you stopped loving me. What if someone found out. What if something went wrong and you end up hurt. What if I couldn’t protect you? What if I couldn’t keep you? What if I failed? What if I’m not enough,” Doyoung says, his eyes turning a sour red with every doubt that comes of out his mouth.

Taeyong reaches out, his hand covering Doyoung’s own. He can feel the tension pulsating through Doyoung veins. Taeyong knows so well that when Doyoung puts effort, he puts _all_ of it. He pours everything into things he’s passionate about. This is often accompanied by a lot of overthinking and the most debilitating of doubt.

“We’ll work on it,” Taeyong says, “Whatever you feel, whatever doubt is in your stupid pretty head, we’ll work on it day by day,” he continues.

Taeyong tries not to cry, but Doyoung is making it hard, “It’s going to take more than your stupidity to make me stop loving you.”

“We might lose everything, Taeyong.”

Then Taeyong thinks of Yuta, then of Johnny, then of his sister, then his mother, then the rest of their members and thinks that he won’t lose anything.

“We’ll lose things, but we’ll keep what’s important,” Taeyong says in reply.

“How are you so assured? What happened to the guy who almost fainted beside me when they were announcing the best Rookie group?” Doyoung says looking at Taeyong with a small smile.

Taeyong looks at Doyoung again and remembers that night and remembers the arms that held him for a beat of a second. He remembers the words whispers and the pride that accompanied them.

“I grew up. Learned new stuff. Fell in love,” Taeyong says moving closer to Doyoung’s face. They’re only breaths apart and for the first time in a while, Taeyong sees the eyes of the one he loves.

“I know now what’s important to me. I know what I want.”

Doyoung just looks at him, his eyes as if scanning every detail of Taeyong’s face. “I missed looking at you like this,” Doyoung whispers into Taeyong’s ear, his breath dancing across the side of his neck. Taeyong feels the goosebumps creep down his neck and back.

“Taeyong, do you think we’re doing a good job?”

“At being in a relationship? We’ve been pretty horrible up till now if I’m being honest, but I’m sure we can get better.”

Doyoung laughs and places a gentle kiss on Taeyong’s cheek. Taeyong smiles against it and nuzzles closer into Doyoung’s space until he’s found purchase on Doyoung’s neck.

“No, not that,” Doyoung hums, reaching his arms to engulf Taeyong and hold him close, “Do you think we’re doing good a being us?”

Taeyong basks in the warmth of Doyoung’s presence engulfing his senses. Taeyong realizes just how much he missed Doyoung’s touch. The boys know that Taeyong _really_ enjoyed hugs, but Doyoung’s hugs are his favorite. His hugs envelope Taeyong in warmth only he could provide. He feels the moments slow and for a second it’s just him and the soft beating of Doyoung’s heart.

“Doyoung, you do know I’m biased.”

“I’m serious. I thought I was doing what was best for us, but instead, I just ended causing unnecessary heartbreak. What if I’ve been going approaching decisions in the wrong way? I just want to know if I’m doing right by everyone.”

Taeyong hugs Doyoung more, “You’re doing well, Kim Doyoung. You’ve done so, so well.”

Taeyong feels Doyoung smile into his neck, “Sleep here with me. Let’s make up for lost time.” 

Somewhere in San Diego memories hum. Promises are reforged and bonds reinforced. In a small hotel room, a new light is made. In Taeyong a firm belief that things will work out in the end. That even if the world demands them to bend, he wouldn’t—they wouldn’t.

In Doyoung a final reassurance that he was not alone, that he would never be alone. That even if the world will cave around him, Taeyong will still be right by his side holding his hand. Despite all his doubts, he’ll have Taeyong. Because now he knows. 

_Everything will be alright with Taeyong._

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to make this into a series, outlining some very important places in the dotae tapestry. The next one will probably be in Paris. That's if I actually write another one. 
> 
> Comments are highly appreciated. Please take time to leave some if you can, it would mean the world to me.


End file.
